25 Thoughts I Had While Watching the New ‘Beauty and the Beast’

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

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It’s no secret that CF can’t get enough of the live-action Beauty and the Beast remake — just take a look at our latest articles, from “Where to Stock Up on Beauty and the Beast-Inspired Pieces” to “3 Ready-to-Wear Outfits Inspired by the Beauty and the Beast Press Tour“!

Yesterday night, AKA Opening Night of My New Favorite Disney Movie, I was shaken to the core by the visual beauty and refreshingly feminist retelling of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (2017).

Now that the movie’s showing in theaters and, frankly, killing it at the box office, I couldn’t resist getting my two cents in. Below are my unfiltered and totally authentic thoughts towards the first half* of Disney’s latest hit.

*I had to split it in half because I got too excited and wrote more than I had originally intended. Whoops! Part 2 is coming soon!

1. Guys, it’s 10:35 P.M.! The movie is starting — I repeat, the movie is officially starting!

2. Whoops, false alarm. Previews. They’re making a new Transformers?

3. LOL @ Dan Stevens in 18th century France period clothing and clownish makeup. This is before he turns into the Beast, obviously. (And he’s not 11!)

4. The first ball scene looks straight out of Marie Antoinette!

5. I know we’re supposed to be looking down at the prince for his excessive spending habits and love of parties, but this decked out Rococo ballroom is actually my aesthetic. Also, six-time Tony Award-winner Audra McDonald as an Italian soprano/Madame Garderobe is perfection!

6. Dan, accept the rose, accept the rose…

7. Welp. Should have accepted the rose. (If there’s one thing you learn from The Bachelor…) The castle is now cursed and instantly obliterated from the memory of anyone living outside of its walls.

8. It’s Belle! She’s singing one of my favorite songs: Belle!

9. Emma Watson is amazing.

(Though as an ex choir student and theater nerd, I definitely think they should have dubbed over Emma. Her voice is good, but it’s a little too fragile and auto-tuned for my taste.)

10. Apparently, in this version, Gaston is esteemed by the town because he’s a war hero and army captain. This makes sense.

11. Wait, Belle, you mean you don’t want to marry Gaston and have his babies and chain yourself to a life of mental depravity? Ugh, women who read, am I right?

12. No, but seriously, there’s this great scene where Belle has invented her own device for doing the laundry and she’s using her free time to teach a little girl to read and a villager harks out, “WHAT, MORE LEARNING?” all the while you see a donkey drawing a barrel for Belle’s laundry. Because, obviously, a girl learning to read is way wackier than a self-made laundry apparatus in 18th century France.

13. Speaking of self-made laundry apparatuses, Belle is an inventor in this film and her father, Maurice, is a music-box maker and artist. Her mother is gone, but we don’t know if she’s dead or just left them. Dad doesn’t like to mention her much.

14. I’m guessing dead because Disney has a thing for dead moms.

15. Maurice is off to the market! He asks her what she wants and she asks for a rose. This is just like the original Beaumont fairytale, where he doesn’t get in trouble for entering Beast’s castle but is imprisoned for stealing a rose for Beauty.

16. Fun fact time! According to my Children’s Literature professor, Beaumont’s Beauty and the Beast had a very real and instructive secret purpose: to get young girls accustomed to the idea of living with an actual Beast. As in their new husbands, because women back then would have zero transition time from living in their father’s house to living with a new, strange, hairy man they hardly knew. Scary.

17. Maurice heads to the castle and encounters… Ewan McGregor’s terrible French accent as Lumière!

18. While Maurice is imprisoned, his horse manages to find its way back to the village. And take Belle to the castle. Obviously, this horse is the living descendant of Shadowfax, the greatest horse of Middle-earth.

19. Also, isn’t the castle supposed to be “forgotten” or what?

20. Belle says she’s going to just “say goodbye” to her father in the cell and then literally switches places with him and throws him out. LOL.

21. She gets her own room. We hear the opening notes to “Home” (one of the best songs added to the Broadway musical) and I get really excited for that but then realize she’s not going to sing the sing. WHY WON’T YOU SING THE SONG, BELLE?

Beauty and the Beast Broadway OST - 07 - Home

22. Literally on the first night, Belle makes a concrete plan to escape by tying together pieces of Madame Garderobe’s clothes to make one long rope. But then Mrs. Potts (who I completely forgot was played by Emma Thompson!) comes flying in and tells Belle to at least grab a bite before escaping. (What a mom.)

23. “Be Our Guest” is so enchanting! Although I’m not sure how I feel about the long pauses between verses — it kind of feels like they’re just making the songs longer just to extend the length of the movie.

24. “Belle, don’t enter the West Wing!” *Immediately enters the West Wing*

25. At least the only thing Beast is hiding is a rose, not a crazy attic wife. Still, she gets as good as invitation as ever to leave when a clearly distraught Beast orders her out.

And then the movie fades to black, showing us in the epilogue that Belle has returned to her village life, married Gaston, and raised an army of illiterate brats that all go by the name Gaston II (even the girls).

(Just kidding!)

Want more? Click for part 2: “25 More Thoughts I Had While Watching the New ‘Beauty and the Beast!”

What do you think?

Have you seen Beauty and the Beast (2017) yet? Are you going to? Would you like to tell us all about it? Comment down below!

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