Let’s face it. Contrary to what happens on most TV shows (I’m talking to you, Gossip Girl), odds are that you probably didn’t start the semester attending the same college as your boyfriend or girlfriend.
LDRs are pretty common on college campuses, especially in September, when many girls are still dating their summer flings. However, as I’ve learned from countless friends, October and November seem to be the time when most LDRs start to fizzle out.
But don’t worry. Even though long-distance relationships in college can be difficult, I’m here to tell you that everything is going to be okay.
You see, readers, I happen to be in one myself – a very long-distance relationship that spans the Atlantic Ocean. So I feel your pain.
Here are a couple helpful tips that I’ve learned for keeping that long-distance flame burning through fall and beyond.
Table of Contents
1. You Both Have to Want to Make it Work.
The number one most important factor in the success of a long-distance relationship is your mutual desire to make it work, no matter what.
Yes, you might like the idea of staying together despite the distance initially, but after a few months, you’ll both start to realize how tough LDRs really are. And when that time comes, a firm commitment is what will get you through.
You both have to be willing to work through the problems that will inevitably arise, instead of dropping the relationship at the first sign of trouble.
Also, it’s not enough for one of you to be committed – long distance relationships don’t work unless both parties are equally dedicated and willing to put in the time and energy required.
One-sided relationships never succeed in the long term, and this is doubly true when you add distance to the equation. If you start to notice you’re putting way more effort into the relationship than your boyfriend or girlfriend, it might be time to rethink things.
2. Communication is Key.
This probably sounds pretty obvious, but communication is key to maintaining a long-distance relationship – and it’s not as simple as just text messages and phone calls.
Sharing concerns and frustrations with each other is essential. It’s important not to bottle up your insecurities. Instead, just share your feelings with him or her. Be clear about how you feel – whether those feelings are good or bad.
Here are some of my favorite ways to communicate!
Video Chatting
If you haven’t done this already, set up regular FaceTime dates and stick to them.
When you start to miss hanging out with each other, FaceTime or Zoom is a great way to chat face-to-face and do something together. Sometimes you don’t even need words! My BF and I like to video chat with each other while we’re both working on separate projects. That way we can casually chat and do our work at the same time. It’s like being in the same room together.
However, waiting all day for your BF or GF to FaceTime you so that you two can chat is definitely not the way to go – believe me, I’ve done it multiple times. Sooner or later you realize that there has to be some sort of schedule.
For example, between studying for midterms, completing assignments and hanging out with friends, it may be hard for you and your boy or girl to get a hold of each other. That, my dear readers, is where the FaceTime scheduling begins.
Find a time every night (or every other night) that works for both of you – but keep time zones in mind! What’s a good time for you may not always be a good time for them and vice-versa.
Snail Mail
Believe it or not, hand-written postcards and letters always feel more personal than texts and emails. Take some time out of your day to send your significant other a letter every few weeks.
And be creative! Send poems, drawings, photos or things that remind you of each other. Send them a wallet-sized photo or one of your favorite bracelets for them to hold onto.
And the next time you see him or her, snag one of their tee shirts to wear to bed. Because even though you two can’t cuddle together, it’s nice to have something that smells like that special someone.
Other Great Ways to Communicate:
- Emails
- Sending each other TikToks or Instagram memes
- Daily Texts
- GChat
- Phone Calls
3. Patience is a Virtue.
No matter how hard you try, you probably won’t be speaking to each other as often as you used to, but you just have to be patient. There will be missed calls and unanswered texts, and that is something that you just need to come to terms with in a long-distance relationship.
But the important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t spend your time waiting around for a message to pop up in your inbox.Â
So if you’re a bit on the impatient side, the best way calm your anxiety is by keeping yourself busy. Join a campus club, start volunteering or hang out with your friends!
That way, you won’t be waiting around by the phone all day and you’ll have some great stories to share when you guys do talk.
4. You Have Nothing Without Trust.
Every relationship needs trust, but it’s especially crucial for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship.
Of course, even I can’t resist the occasional stalking of who is in my boyfriend’s Instagram stories or who is commenting on his posts. But it’s important not to read too much into stories or comments by other girls — because you have to realize (even though it’s hard sometimes) that while you’re enjoying meeting new people and experiencing the college social scene, he or she is doing the same.
So don’t try to suffocate your partner by being too controlling. Jealously and drama will destroy any relationship – long-distance or not.
You really need to trust that your significant other is making the right decisions, and they need to trust that you’re doing the same If he or she starts to question your social media activities, then maybe it’s time for you two to have a serious discussion.
Remember that one of the benefits of being in a long-distance relationship is finding out who you are as an individual. This also means finding the right balance between hanging out with new friends and spending time with your significant other.
They shouldn’t expect you to spend all your time chatting with them, and you shouldn’t expect that either. You both need to go out and enjoy college life!
Trusting your boy or girlfriend not only calms your nerves but it also leads to a happier and healthier relationship.
5. Look Toward the Future.
There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, and one of the best ways to survive a long-distance relationship is by setting small goals. For example, start a countdown to the next time that you two will see each other.
And hang in there! What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Whether it succeeds or fizzles, every relationship is a learning experience. At the end of the day, you’ll learn more about your own personal strengths and weaknesses from this experience.
What do you think of our guide to long distance relationships in college?
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Or are you currently in one? Tell me the kinds of things you and your BF or GF do to keep your relationship strong!
I would love to hear your experiences. Just leave me a comment!
This story could not have come at a better time. My boyfriend of four years just left last week for a year to live across the country. This advice has really given me hope that things will be okay. Unfortunately, I made the huge mistake of letting a lot of my friendships go because I had a boyfriend, and I am suffering through the consequences now. I have no one to hang out with and I’ve never felt so lonely. But this experience has taught me a lesson to never let friendships go over a boy! Hopefully, in the end, this will be a positive experience for me and I can get through this tough time successfully.
I was in a LDR my freshman year of college and it fell through completely. I fell into depression and got really clingy and controlling it was terrible. But now I’m best friends again with my ex, and now go to the same school. This article is super helpful, but I can’t stress enough how patience is the key to LDRs.
Yes, this is really a good post.
Verry good for young students.
Keep up tha good work.
Greetings,
College is the time to have fun and explore… don’t tie yourself down and pine over your high school boyfriend or forgo fun opportunities to meet new people of the opposite sex because your boyfriend is far away. Talk to your boyfriend maybe take a break…or just when you’re together you’re together when you’re not you’re not.
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for just over 2 years.
I’ve recently started university and he is taking a gap year to earn some money.
There are tough moments but we try to see each other as much as possible.
We’ve made cute presents for each other i.e. scrapbooks, which we can read when we feel down :D.
Thanks for this article, everything you said it true.x
I met my fiance over the internet, and have been in a long-distance relationship since. We never dreamed of meeting online and having it carry this far lol, but one day he fessed up and told me he really wanted to meet. So I went to meet him….3,000 miles away. He proposed to me as I was leaving the airport a week later. That was 6 months ago. I can tell you right here right now, this thing is not for the faint of heart. But if you really, truly WANT to make it work and are not just “trying to ride it out”, then you’ll be fine. He has so much trust for me and knows I would never break his heart. And I can rest easy, knowing I’ll always get a “goodmorning baby” text when I wake up, and he calls when he gets home from work. It’s been lovely, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds! Hang in there girls…it’s a pain and I know for me at least, am always jealous of the people who get to spend the whole day with him when I only get an hour. Be strong, be PATIENT, and know that it won’t last forever. Finally, you have to be completely honest to earn somebody’s trust. Even if you know he/she will flip, say what’s on your mind anyway. As this article (which was so encouraging!) stated earlier…”without trust, you have nothing”.
Thank you so much for writing this type of article, I was really starting to panic for the future of my boyfriend and I after reading so many pre-college articles saying that I should “ditch the boyfriend” because it was “doomed”. We’re going to enter a long-distance relationship beginning of next year, and it’s great to finally see some positive advice!
Great article, I couldn’t agree with you more. Maybe I’ll write a follow-up article about my reunion with my girlfriend…4 months apart while I am in China, not awesome…
Hi, i really love this post! Apparently i feel so reluctant to accept a long distance relationship, but after reading you post, i have a clue on how to maintain a LDR, i guess i know what shall i do with the LDR confession! 😀
This was so well-written! I completely agree with everything you said. My boyfriend and I met this summer during my internship. He lives in PA and I live in NJ so it’s not that far but it’s still tough not seeing him every day. I sent him cards and we promised each other that we would talk on the phone every day. Even if it’s just a quick “Hello” it really helps hearing his voice and if we have any problems we can get them out right away instead of keeping them inside. Communication is so important!
I completely agree with all of the above advice. I’m going to college at the University of California, any my boyfriend is at the University of Texas. We’re states away, but not only that, we live in separate states. It was a complicated beginning, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s an on-going effort. But I tell myself, what relationship isn’t an on-going effort? It’s really hard, and the three things most important aspects I believe are commitment, trust, and communication.
i miss my girlfriend T.T
This Article was excellent timing for me and my gf because we’ve only been together about a month and a half and shes in college but i take every chance i can to see her. Shes in Virginia and Im still in Maryland, but we are only maybe 2 hrs away. I Love her so much already, and this right here gives me all the confidence in the world. ANd by reading this I know we will go a Long way! Thanks.
Thank you so much for writing this article! It really couldn’t have come at a better time. My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR from the get go but with 3 hrs between us its not too terrible and we text/talk/skype all the time. Now going on almost a year, I only have until spring to graduate, but recently I’ve been debating if I just wanted to move now for a multitude of reasons. Your article has definitely help me motivate myself and know we can get through the rest of the relatively small time til graduation.
I am no longer in college, but stumbled across this article and really enjoyed it. I am currently in an LDR because of having to move for work and I agree with ALL of those points in the article.
I just wanted to suggest for people in LDRs a website that I use often for inspiration/support.
http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/
This website has some great ideas on things to do together even from far away and it also has a great forum area where you can ask for advice, get support, etc.
This was a great post!…I have been doing long distance for 6 months now and the relationship is approaching a year of actually being together. My boyfirend moved out to Colorado because he was offered a really good job, and Im still in Florida finishing up my senior year. It has been trully been difficult because he is two time zones away and we both have crazy schedules. I can honestly say that through this process I have trully learned about myself and what I can endure and cope during this situation, and although we have our rough patches and I do mean rough for some reason we always pull through and decide to keep going. The best advice I could give which is truly the thing that has kept me going is staying positive no matter what, having positive affirmations, staying away from negative feedback even when it’s from your closets friends and family and not getting caught up in the small things!