“Is life easier for some than others?”, I pondered while leering at the girl who sits diagonal to me in philosophy class: hair curled, lips glossed, inner corner of eyes subtly highlighted, feet adorned in delicate ballet slippers with ankles crossed. And then I looked to my opposite diagonal, at the individual who always seems to have a constant conversation going — under the table and via text. Yet when the papers are distributed, hers are invariably labeled ‘100%.’ Highly irritating.
Girls of this species — the distinctive characteristic being effortlessness in their pursuit of beauty, academics, whatever — are further insufferable because when you make friends and ask for tips, they have nothing to offer. You may ask, “How do you do it?” They will smile and respond, “I don’t know, I just do.”
It’s lucky that not everyone is as inarticulate. Many students and alumni were willing to share their solutions to practical college-girl problems. I’ve selected a prominent few that may eliminate the gap between you and the Kate Moss look-alike, give you a leg up against the Einstein descendant, or at the very least smooth out a few bumps in your life. Read the information below, apply as needed, lather and repeat, and soon your life will look easier than Serena van der Woodsen’s.
1. Hair loss can occur for a variety of reasons, but the most common causes for college girls are dieting and stress. If your diet causes you to lose weight at a faster rate than recommended (2 or 3 lbs a week), your hair begins to fall out at an alarming chemotherapy-like rate – so if you need to lose weight for health reasons, save your hair by sticking to a healthy diet and never losing more than a healthy 1-2 lbs per week. If you lose hair due to stress, salvage the situation with Nioxin shampoo, which comes in different strengths to suit your particular situation, be it mild or dire. Unfortunately Nioxin is only available for purchase by salon people, so ask your hairdresser or make a friend!
2. Backcombing (or teasing) is the secret to successful hair. Models, celebrities, and socialites alike always enhance their hair artificially! It’s important to disillusion people about beautiful hair and make them aware of how prevalent back combing really is (often in addition to extensions!). Annoying girl in class with perfect hair? Backcomb. Serena vdW? Backcomb. Donald Trump? Backc– well, except him. Well — maybe. You never know. Backcombing really is that prevalent!
3. You know those boss pimples that make your face ache? The ones you can literally feel in its beginning stages? When you start to feel the beginning of those types of pimples, make like G. W. Bush and strike preemptively: run a facecloth under the hottest water possible, and wring it out completely. Lightly press the steaming cloth to your pimple, and keep it there until the cloth isn’t warm anymore. Repeat a few times, and do it again for the next couple days. Yes! You’ve successfully anticipated and thwarted a potentially stressful acne episode.
4. Tumeric is the key to erasing scars. Call me vain but scars inflict vehement stress on me. Unfortunately being on sports teams and constantly engaged in sports makes me a sitting duck for that kind of action. Over the years I’ve heard a range of solutions to scars — the most prominent being Mederma. But it only takes you so far — and then you need to experience tumeric. It’s a really disgusting-looking root that may be slightly hard to find (and look at), but the yellow juice inside it, after repeated application, helps scars!
5. The common belief is that heels hurt: no pain, no gain, and all that. Well, yes, and no. Just like a stereotype, this is a generalization that doesn’t cover all heels. High heels with ankles, straps, and buckles — anything that constrains the foot and keeps it securely in place — do the trick, no matter the heel height. Try it and be enlightened.
6. Often, the best boutiques throw caution to the wind and act like rules were meant to be broken: sizes are completely off and no longer a guiding measurement in your shopping. If you’ve got lots of bottoms to try on but the line for the fitting room is longer than the lineup of Tiger Woods’s mistresses, utilize this trick: narrow down your load of items to try on by putting your arm into a rigid “L” shape, like you want to pound your fist on the table. The bottom’s waistline should fit from the end of your fist (knuckles) to your elbow, relatively, to fit your waistline. If it’s too tight to fit your arm in, or way too loose, don’t even bother trying it on.
7. Sometimes cheaper jewelry requires more care than diamonds and platinum. While I often lay the latter pieces laying about on my dresser, I always take care to put away my Forever 21 necklaces in a ziploc bag. Fake jewelry tarnishes — the silver turns black, the copper turns green, the gold turns brown and spotty! You spent money on it, don’t let it go obsolete/ugly within a couple months — protect your fake jewelry in ziploc bags.
8. It’s easier, and less expensive, than ever to get your books online. If you have time (read: you didn’t procrastinate and your class doesn’t start tomorrow and you don’t need Expedited Shipping), look into these options: renting books online, buying used books from Half.com, and campus programs for students. Additionally, you can network with older students in your major to ask for their old stuff or split the financial burden with friends in the same classes by sharing certain books like solution manuals.
9. You know how computers get slow after you’ve had them for a while? They’re not actually supposed to do that. Unlike other items in heavy usage, such as chairs or workbooks, computer speed isn’t supposed to decline. The key to maintaining your laptop for college is defragmenting your computer on a regular basis. To put it briefly, defragmenting is a processes provided in the Accessories>System Tools section that tidies up all the data in your computer into clean, neat, easy-to-reach piles. You should schedule your computer to defrag monthly.
10. Another way to preserve the speed of your laptop is to seriously consider whether you need your anti-virus program. Surprised? Well, lots of tech guys prescribe these softwares for the average user, but don’t have one on their own laptops because anti-virus programs suck your computer’s resources! It has to constantly run in the background, on its haunches, ready for a virus or trojan attack. If you’re internet-savvy, however, and avoid downloading useless free programs (i.e. cute Penta diary), visit only sites you can be 100% sure don’t have trojans (usually this means official sites like Gucci.com or Thesaurus.com – and CF.net, obvi), then maybe you can ditch the anti-virus program.
What do you think?
I hope you picked up a few tips that will prove useful! Sometimes life is essentially just a communal drag (read: lecture class at 7:50 A.M.) but the key is to make it always look effortless! Leave your two cents about the tips in the comments section, and please contribute any tips of your own!