5 Possible New Year's Resolutions

Unexpected and unconventional New Year's resolutions are featured. What are you resolving to change this year?
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Unexpected and unconventional New Year's resolutions are featured. What are you resolving to change this year?

I made a resolution last year not to make any more New Year's resolutions, but everything new and shiny is so hard to resist. Every year, month, Monday, or new day is a chance to start a revolution, ruin your old life, and inform the bastards who thought they knew you that you changed your mind again and again.

If we are lucky enough not to die this year, which is rather statistically likely, we have the gift of 365 days of fashionable madness, creation, and adventure. Pick your promise, burn the old style.

Take Change to the Extreme

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If you wanna go fluffy, go fluffy | ELLE

"Natural" is an entirely false value. They preach it in Sunday schools, but every human wakes up looking like a Egyptian mummy or a vampire on pension. People think make-up is an illusion, a special brand of witchcraft that turns the scariest beasts to charming belles. Scare them with how much you overdo it. Everything average means neutrality, so dare to have an opinionated style.

In the wise words of the guru of crazy fashion, Carrie Bradshaw:

"Be someone's brand of whiskey, not everyone's cup of tea."

I-woke-up-like-this faces are good for making a point, but a sunset will never be as interesting as it is viewed from a cool human's lenses. Listen to Foucault: the original didn't come before a copy, no option is "default." "This is how I look if I don't paint my lips purple." So what? And if you hold your breath for a day you look dead. Since Eve got seduced by a snake - thank God (pun?) - the original garden of Eden is eternally lost for us. Play an artist; create yourself.

Captain the Ship Honestly

In the secret shelves of guilt, there is a better version of us in every life aspect: Our Ideal Girl. She's who you want to be. Kill her this year. The wish to be more like someone else, even if that someone is imaginary/fictional, is so last year.

Instead, think about what the good ol' you can do better. No should-have-dones or will-dos. Tackle decisions as they approach. Sort out the priorities. Be honest with yourself. Get to the roots of your wishes. Imagine everyone who cares about how you live your life is dead - well, not dead, but somewhere far off on an island with no internet. Who do you want to be then?

Perceive, Don't Judge

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Anything, but boring, please | ELLE

It seems like everyone has an opinion on everything, but sometimes it's fine to let it be. When people ask you what's your stance on nose rings or mermaid-colored hair chalk, you don't have to assume they're asking about your personal style. Appreciate any effort of self-expression in abstract.

Isn't diversity so exciting? You don't have to like their aesthetic, just appreciate the fact that they have one. The most ridiculous vulgarity, the harshest criticism, the most fanatical obsession, or the quirkiest hat is better than total neutrality. "Nice" is the worst adjective. Every effort means having a position. It's better if they vote against you than if they don't vote at all.

Action for Action's Sake

Do you feel like the plot of your life is monotonous, the characters are flat, and the setting is weary to the eye? Looks like you're the one responsible for stirring the narrative in this story. Imagine you're a writer who's after new experiences, emotions, events. As if you have a responsibility to your readers to live to tell them about it.

Invite people places, start traditions, go hiking, take up chess, YouTube your unsuccessful baking attempts... anything at all to separate yesterday from tomorrow. Give life every chance to throw accidents at you. Turn into the yes-girl for a year.

Fall in Love with Yourself or Get Over It

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Astronomy will put everything into perspective | ELLE

There are so many ways to fall in love with your life and self. Find and develop the traits you usually appreciate in people. There is almost nothing more important than self-respect, but almost nothing makes a person as happy as self-love does.

If you can't like yourself, try to get over yourself: we're on this weird round thing going around the Sun in this particular model of a universe with this particular set of senses. In fifty years or so we'll be wrinkled like raisins, wearing long skirts, and taking way too many naps. "Self" doesn't even exist properly. This year is just more dust on wheels.

You have an official permission to play around with it, throw it against the wall or make it the most important year of your fleeting life. Chase it. Tick-tock.

Thoughts?

What are your New Year's resolutions? Which revolutions happened to you this year? Let us know by leaving a comment.